I think we may need to hire Jimmy Kimmel's writers for our site
Here's a bit of his routine from the ABC upfront presentation via TVWeek:
Mr. Kimmel came out and told viewers, “Everything you’re going to hear this week is bullshit...”
And the new shows? “We’re going to cancel about 90% of them,” he said. “Everyone is full of shit except Mike Shaw.”
Mr. Kimmel noted that ABC wanted Jay Leno in its late-night lineup, but that NBC decided to retain Mr. Leno “even if we have to destroy our own network to do it.”
He joked that NBC will offer the TV equivalent of early-bird specials, running its late-night show at 10 p.m. and announcing its primetime schedule before the other networks.
“I don’t know if they’re two weeks early or 50 weeks late,” he said.
Mr. Kimmel said ABC would be offering advertisers great brand integration opportunities. “If you pay enough, your product can kill Dr. Izzie on ‘Grey’s Anatomy,’” he joked.
And as for affluent audiences, he said, 10% of ABC viewers are “watching from homes they still own.”
Ad buyers don’t need an upfront, he said. They need therapy.
“Who cares? It’s not your money. Just give it to us,” he said.
more where that came from at TVWeek
Update: Here is the clip.